Point: This spring I had a very pleasant two week stay in Israel where I spent quality time with my daughter and her family in their lovely apartment in Jerusalem.
Counterpoint: Hold on, doesn't your daughter live in some godforsaken place in upstate New York?
Point: Yes, their permanent home is in Rochester. But Suzie applied for a sabbatical to do research in Israel on sleep apnea in pregnant women, so off they went last summer to spend a year abroad. They rented an apartment in the North Talpiyot section of Jerusalem with a spectacular view of the old city and its surroundings. My son-in-law Yosef, a pediatrician, did not practice medicine in Israel but instead became an erstwhile full-time student of archeology and history, interrupting his studies every few months to return to the states to check on his private practice.
Counterpoint: So, how did they do?
Point: Good question. Suzie's research was featured in the Jerusalem Post this year, and she also published an editorial titled, “Gestational sleep apnea: have we been caught napping?” in the International Journal of Obstetric Anesthesia. Although her hospital work kept her busy, being in Israel was a joyous holiday compared to her schedule as associate professor and a vice-chair of her department of anesthesiology at Rochester University. She had time to attend interesting lectures, take tours, and spend time with friends and family who lived in Israel. An inveterate hostess and gourmand, Suzie had, on average, 15 people at every meal when we were visiting; and she even threw a party for close to 50 relatives and neighbors! And I don't think I've seen my son-in-law Yosef as passionate about anything as he was about learning to become a tour guide in the Holy Land. My wife and I were the beneficiaries of his concentrated learning as he took us on some private, awesome sightseeing exhibitions of the old city and the remains of what is believed to be the palace of King David.
Counterpoint: What did their four kids do? Didn't they have to be in school?
Point: Yes, indeed, they were enrolled in schools appropriate for their levels of education. The oldest Doni graduated high school in June so last year was his gap year which he would have spent learning in Israel anyway.
Counterpoint: Wait, isn't it true that you're not a big fan of kids interrupting their college studies to go off to a Yeshiva or seminary in Israel for a year or two? Don't you find that these programs have little structure, assign no term papers or tests, and result in idleness and even goofing off?
Point: I have felt that way, and my preference is for students to wait until their junior year to study abroad for a semester or two. But my grandson Doni has had such a phenomenal year at Netiv Aryeh that I am rethinking my attitude. He has become a beacon of spirituality and family values, sending out weekly reports on a bible lesson he has learned that week; and he calls every Friday to check on me, my wife, and his great aunt and to wish us a Good Shabbos. He has just spent the summer working as a counselor at Camp HASC, a sleep-away program for children and adults with intellectual and physical disabilities. I'm just so proud of him.
Counterpoint: What about your other grandchildren?
Point: I’m proud of them, too. For Yonah (age 16), Raanan (age 14), and Nili (age 11), Israeli schools presented more of a challenge. They had to adjust to teachers and classmates largely talking a second language, Hebrew; and in Nili's case she became trilingual (or "Je m'appelle Nili," as my wife calls her) because many of her classmates were French emigrants. For Raanan and Nili, coming from a very small day school in Rochester, this was the first opportunity to be in classes with many peers. Raanan, the most enthusiastic of the kids, became totally immersed in B'nei Akiva and other social activities. Nili also blossomed with new social outlets. Enterprising Yonah, with lots of friends in the NY area, spent his time making money by babysitting and then investing capital on his forthcoming sneakers business. And, of course, they all enjoyed the fact that tasty Kosher food was so readily available.
Counterpoint: You're making it sound like life was a picnic for them. Aren't you forgetting where they were? During the time that your children and grandchildren were in Israel, nearly 50 people, Israeli citizens and even Americans, were killed at the hands of Palestinian terrorists.
Point: To be sure, being safe and secure was certainly top priority. One of the people killed was actually an acquaintance of Doni. On November 19, a Palestinian terrorist opened fire on cars in a traffic jam in Gush Etzion, killing 18-year old Ezra Schwartz, from Massachusetts, who, like Doni, was spending the year learning in Israel. Israelis react quickly and decisively to clean up debris and carry on their lives even in the face of repeated attacks; and this resoluteness and resiliency rubbed off on my family.
Counterpoint: You make it sound like your daughter's family, apart from having to take necessary security precautions, had a grand old time in Israel. Are you saying they're sorry to have to return to the U.S.?
Point: I'd have to say yes and no to that. My daughter admitted that she was not looking forward to getting back to the grind of the University of Rochester. But after dealing with the often senseless Israeli bureaucracy, she described to us how she was welcomed back on her first day with an overly functional administrative experience: "First, my health update was processed without any incident and I received a confirmation email. What?? Then my reinstatement of parking was completely smooth. No line. 'Would you like to park in the garage again?' Uh yeah! 'With which car...the Subaru, Gold, 2008?' Uh, yes please. Presto. Like magic. Thank you UR for making me not miss Israel too much today!"
Counterpoint: Alright. Can you summarize what their experience was like, and can you try to do it as succinctly as possible.
Point: If I had to describe in one word their experience individually and en masse, I would say they were all flourishing.
Counterpoint: Wait a second. Don't try to fool me with a trick answer. I know they have a son named Raanan whose name in English means 'refreshed' or 'flourishing.' Don't play 'Who's on first?' with me; they can't all have the same name.
Point: You're right, I'm not referring to what they're called. I'm looking at it from a psychological perspective. I think they were all engaged in their studies and work and they found their true callings in life.
Counterpoint: I don't get it. Aren't you psychologists just supposed to be concerned with social and emotional problems? Don't psychologists focus on helping make life better for those suffering from negative conditions in their lives? It doesn’t sound like your family needed fixing.
Point: Let me put it this way: traditional psychology focused more on things that went wrong. The patients that Freud saw had major problems that conventional medicine could not treat; so he focused on uncovering root causes and relieving symptoms. That was the type of mitigative psychology I was taught in college and graduate school. But then in the 1990's there was a major paradigm shift in my field, thanks largely to a man named Marty Seligman; and psychologists began to study life’s joys and to acknowledge both the light as well as the dark sides of life. He wrote books and did studies on what brings out the best in people, on what makes for a pleasant and happy life. And because he was the President of the American Psychological Association in 1998, he promoted the field of Positive Psychology to the whole profession and even to the whole world.
Counterpoint: Not so fast. Your dude Seligman is certainly not the first person to theorize about happiness and flourishing. Aristotle defined flourishing as the pursuit of virtue and excellence, not the mere pursuit of personal pleasure. And Jewish thinkers such as Maimonides taught that the good life means avoiding extremes and taking the middle path. And don't forget that Shakespeare actually uses the word in a sonnet taking it from the Latin verb florere, to bloom or to blossom: 'Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth.’
Point: I'm impressed with your erudition. And you're right that people have been pursuing happiness long before Seligman and long before the Declaration of Independence. What is new is the amount of research and publications being generated each year on the subjects. Seligman has identified the factors that can help individuals thrive, and he summarizes them with the acronym PERMA: they are positive emotion (P), engagement with what one is doing or the feeling of being lost in a task (E), positive relationships (R), meaning (M), and a sense of accomplishment (A). We flourish, according to Seligman, by having more of each element. And he has even created a test to measure one's level of PERMA.
Point: Good points. Still, the PERMA model is a useful tool for understanding how to get more out of life.
Counterpoint: I read that a few years ago an eminent psychologist made the brash claim that experiencing positive emotions in a 3-to-1 ratio to negative emotions leads to flourishing mental health. Her book Positivity was a best seller, and her two minute test was all the rave. There was only one problem: the research, it turned out, was flawed; and the mathematical ratios did not hold up. So I'm really not sure positive psychology or scientific method has helped us understand what flourishing is after all.
Point: Maybe not, but do yourself a favor and check out a website of tests that Seligman created at the following address: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires.aspx
Counterpoint: Maybe I will, but I think I'm pretty happy as a cynic and curmudgeon can be. Would you say that you're flourishing?
Point: As a matter of fact, I've taken the PERMA test online and I scored quite high. But more to the point (pardon the pun), I've enjoyed this dialectic dialogue with you. It has helped sharpen what I wanted to say. In life, we derive more benefit from friendly enemies, that is, people who care for us but argue or offer criticism, than from people who give unconditional or often unwarranted complements. You see, happiness and flourishing also require struggle and challenge. So thanks for debating with me!
1 comment:
A very interesting,amusing and informative interview with one's self.
Post a Comment